


my heart is nuclear

by rosesandcinnamon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Nightmares, SADNESS THAT I WROTE INSTEAD OF SYHM CAUSE, Sad, WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT, canon angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1477780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandcinnamon/pseuds/rosesandcinnamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Annie needs her, yet needs to push her away.<br/>Or, knowing and fear, drawn from canon angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart is nuclear

**Author's Note:**

> song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOZ-4dijxos)

Mikasa knew Annie was running from something.

From what, she didn’t know.

She knew sometimes, Annie would look at her in fear, as if she held some secret she wasn’t allowed to share, like she was afraid to love her.

And she did know how often the small blonde woke with a cry in the middle of the night, heart beating like she was actually running, and knew how long it took for her to calm down again.

This was one of those nights.

Annie kicked in her sleep, something Mikasa found displeasing, but the occasional wakefulness was worth it for Annie’s soft warmth in her arms.

Her eyes opened just enough to see the blonde head in front of her, but blinked when there was a whimper and soft mutters.

_Annie was falling, body much too heavy to save herself, to prevent damage, 3D Gear nowhere to be found._

_She was going to hit the ground and there wouldn’t be anything left of her._

_That was okay._

_She had failed, after all._

_But Mikasa, Mikasa had looked so furious and hurt and crushed, and now she just looked emotionless, cold, cruel._

_Annie knew Mikasa wasn’t truly like that, she wasn’t, she was warm and kind and she gave Annie the most love she had ever been given, unconditional and gentle, she was the only one in this place that posed a challenge, she was a warrior. _

_She had never looked at her so coldly before, never._

_And Annie knew it was her fault._

_She closed her eyes, trying to resign herself to it._

_She had known this would happen._

 “No. I- _no_!“

Annie rolled over, fear in the creases of her face, kicking out once more.

Mikasa propped herself up on one elbow, gently tucking her hair back, voice low but strong.

“Annie. Annie, wake up. It’s just me.”

She shot up, turning to look at Mikasa, terror and pain and panic and sadness and anger in her ice blue eyes, combining to make her look so awfully _tragic_ , her heart ached.

Chest rising and falling rapidly, Annie reached out, fingertips brushing against Mikasa’s arm, as if to make sure she was real, she was there.

Judging by the vacant look in her eyes, talking wasn’t going to help the situation.

Mikasa ever so carefully settled back against the wall, uncurling Annie’s hand from her arm and holding it to draw her close, hands rough from calluses gentle against her.

Annie pressed her face into Mikasa’s neck, trying to slow her breathing, trying to not show any sign of weakness- and found she couldn’t.

Her heart was beating too fast, panic set too deep into her body.

She had regular nightmares, but, but-

That one _scared_ her.

It was a combination of all her fears- falling, failure, hurting Mikasa, and that had never happened before.

And it felt so ominous, so foreboding, _inescapable_ , no matter how hard she tried.

It was inescapable.

No matter what she chose, what path she took, it was going to happen.

She was a time bomb, and she had fucked up in the first place by allowing Mikasa close, allowing herself to love.

Mikasa was going to find out somehow, if it was through the plan or through accident.

Annie could only hope she was kind in the end.


End file.
